February 1, 2012

Help…I Need Somebody!

Filed under: Reconnection — Deb @ 2:40 pm

“Would you like some help out with your groceries today?”

This was the question that I was waiting for as I paid for my groceries. I was recovering from major surgery and had just started getting slowly back into my usual routines. I was under strict instructions to keep the walking to a minimum and definitely no heavy lifting. So, for the first time in my life, I needed help with getting my groceries into my car and today I planned to say “yes” when the clerk asked.  She didn’t ask.  Guess what I did next?  I pushed my cart out of the store and then proceeded to unpack the grocery bags, one item at a time, until the bag was light enough for me to lift. Then, I repacked the bags that were now in my car, one item at a time.

I’m not proud of this story but I am sharing it to make a point. The point is, it’s time for us to start asking for help. Most of us don’t ask for help – heck, most of us don’t even accept help when it’s offered. But not asking for or not accepting help is making life much harder than it needs to be (if life needs to be hard at all).  

I know, I know…I can hear you already….”but Deb, if I ask for help, I’ll look weak…I’ll lose my independence…it makes me vulnerable…then I’ll be indebted to them and what if I can’t pay them back…what if they say no….it’s faster if I do it myself…”  I have heard every excuse in the book about why you can’t/shouldn’t/won’t ask for help and here is what I have to say about each one:

“It takes a strong person to know when they need help and to ask for it.  We are not meant to be independent but rather interdependent – why do you think there are other people on the planet?? With all of these people on the planet, we need some way to connect and build relationships and we can’t build any deep or satisfying relationships without being vulnerable. People don’t help others just to get something in return, they help because it makes them feel good and lets them use their skills and strengths.  Wouldn’t you like to help others feel good? It’s pretty rare that someone would say no to helping you – don’t you usually help others when you are asked?  If they do say no, it’s not because you are a bad, weak or needy person, it’s because they just aren’t able to help.  In the long run most things take longer to do by yourself and require more energy so getting help will give you more time and energy that you can use to do something fun!”

I have more responses for anyone who feels uncomfortable asking for help but the main reason that most people don’t ask for help has to do with self worth and deserving. You are worthy and deserving of having an inspiring and joyful life and if you still think you have a good reason that you can’t ask for help, leave your below and I’ll help you see a different perspective!

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4 Responses to “Help…I Need Somebody!”

  1. Jeanette Says:

    hi Deb - I can so relate to your experience in a slightly different circumstance. My husband was recently diagnosed with a very serious heart condition and to outsiders he looks “normal”. Due to this condition he requires a handicap marker for the car as he cannot walk far distances. we went to walmart the other day and were actually “cussed” out by someone accusing us of illegally parking in the handicap spot and why were we abusing the system etc…
    I got so upset and proceeded to start a very andry reply when my husband advised to just walk away but it may me think that we are so quick to judge without really knowing the truth. I quess the clerk thought you were okay and didn’t think to ask..

  2. Deb Says:

    Hi Jeanette - we certainly can jump to conclusions based on outward appearances. When we don’t outwardly appear to need help, people are less likely to offer and that’s why I think it is so important that we start the practice of asking for help. It’s frustrating when others judge us without knowing the whole story (like in your situation at WalMart)and knowing that we can ask for help and be supported is one way to ease that frustration because it brings us back to our center - that place of knowing that there are others out there who do understand. Thanks for sharing.
    Deb

  3. Tamara Says:

    This is all too familiar - LOL!

  4. Rachel Says:

    It would be interesting to find out what goes on in that moment when someone looks at you and comes to all sorts of conclusions.
    Malcolm Gladwell

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